Personal Health

Ok, when I first got this, I was NOT impressed. It barely vibrated at all. Well, it’s been sitting, unused, in a drawer, until I thought to try some 3.7-volt lithium “14500″ cells in it. They are just a bit longer than AA cells, but put out more than twice the voltage. So instead of a mere 3 volts with a pair of AAs, two of these put out 7.4 volts. I don’t know what it’s going to do for the toy’s longevity, but it didn’t kill it outright for the first “quickie” try-out. And, let me tell you, with more than twice the power, it’s noisy, but it WORKS! Hmmm. I think I’d better go now and see if I can duplicate my earlier results. For science.
Rating: 4 / 5

I hear her light breathing coming from the bathroom. The door is slightly ajar. I move for the handle and inch it open. I trace her long elegant back and womanly curvature as she looks into the mirror. Our eyes meet in the reflection. She turns the water off and slowly slides into the tub. I step into the bathroom and watch her body disappear beneath the water and bubbles. My robe falls to the floor and I step to the edge of the tub. Her eyes trace my body as I step in to the warm water. Our bodies touch and soon we are at it like narwhal. Her fiery eyes seem to scream “Give me your seed!” but I have a better plan. I stand up and emerge from the water, soap still coating my body. Slowly I unsheathe my Doc Johnson Lucid Dream #14 Multi-Speed, Waterproof G-Spot Vibrator, Twist-bottom Control. A smile creeps across her face. I step out of the tub and her smile turns to confusion. I don my dark brown robe once again and slide my feet into an attack stance. My mouth barely moves as I make cinematic quality lightsaber sounds. She giggles awkwardly. I slash the air and leap into the tub. My Doc Johnson Lucid Dream #14 Multi-Speed, Waterproof G-Spot Vibrator, Twist-bottom Control slicing the air in artistic shapes and patterns. Suddenly I plunge my saber into the water and activate the twist bottom control. The saber vibrates violently causing more bubbles to fill the tub as I raise it above my head. She begins to stand. I continue to flail and swing as she leaves the bathroom. Slaying an army of droids and bounty hunter I can no longer take it. My strong Jedi seed sprays and mixes with the bubbles and onto the mirror. I deactivate the twist-bottom control and sheathe my Doc Johnson Lucid Dream #14 Multi-Speed, Waterproof G-Spot Vibrator, Twist-bottom Control. Another successful mission complete.

Extremely satisfied,

George “Purple Sabers are For Real Men” Cardigan
Rating: 5 / 5